It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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