You work out of a Hotel?
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
What drink are we having for lunch?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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