I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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