I want to have your abortion
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize