I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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