So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Slut skills are useful in every country.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
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Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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