Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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