You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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