Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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