I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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