That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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