Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I supernannyed him into submission
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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