I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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