well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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