How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize