Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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