I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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