I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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