hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
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yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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