hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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