He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
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we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
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You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
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