Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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