he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
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Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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