the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You had me at "let me see your balls"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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