take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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