he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
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I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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