I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
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She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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