Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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