The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize