I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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