That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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