He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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