the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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