If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize