i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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