he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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