And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize