Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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