Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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