Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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