i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
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i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Green mimosas i think yes
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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