The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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