I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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