you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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