the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
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I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
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Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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