Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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