I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
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I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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