I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
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