He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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