Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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