Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
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She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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